Thursday, April 7, 2016
To Be, Or Not To Be...
Do you ever have the feeling that you are meant for something great? Ever wake up and think, “How can I change the world?” Lately I have been having these feelings. Actually, I have been feeling this way for quite a while now. Don’t get me wrong, being home and taking care of my family is EXTREMELY fulfilling. But I know that things don’t happen by chance. There is a reason that at THIS point in my life, I was given the opportunity to stay at home. There is a reason that everything worked out so perfectly. And maybe, that’s it. Maybe being home taking care of the family is what I am supposed to do right now. But, what if it’s not. What if being able to focus on my family is just the icing on the cake?
When I started to write on my little blog, it was meant to be an outlet. Something to do so that I didn’t go insane being at home. A little hobby so that I felt that I wouldn't lose myself. Truth is, I was scared that I would be lost in this world. My identity would fade away. And I would only be known by my kids and husband. But since I like to go off on a tangent and tend to completely go left, let me bring it back to what I really want to talk about. Which is...hmmm, I don’t know exactly. I know I want to make a difference. That's basically it. But make a difference how? Make a difference to whom? What am I meant to do? What are my passions? When I started the blog, the whole idea of perhaps becoming a well known blogger was super enticing. The idea of gaining internet popularity was kind of cool. I have been pretty shy my entire life, so this gave me a little something to work towards. How cool would it be to be known for blogging. How great would it be to have thousands of followers who care about what I say and look to me for inspiration. Or maybe I can reach people some other way. I mean the whole point of all of this is to touch people. To change people’s lives. But before I figure out how I can accomplish this, I have to figure out what my gift is. Haha. It sounds a lot funnier now that I actually say, I meant WRITE, it out. I know it sounds silly. And I kind of feel stupid for even pondering this. But, what is my gift? What am I good at. No, not just good. What am I GREAT at? What makes me special. What makes me unique?
Maybe that is not it. Maybe the problem is that I am scared to take the leap. Putting yourself out there is a scary thing. Being completely honest about your fears, dreams, doubts. There is so many things you can accomplish if you just went for it. Without being scared of failing or making mistakes along the way. I mean, don’t they say that with great power comes great responsibility? Oh wait, that’s what Uncle Ben tells Spider Man (yes, I am a huge nerd at heart). The saying I am thinking of is…”To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail” -Michael Jordan
Honestly, I don’t even know how to begin or, again, what it is that I want to start doing. I mean, seriously. I am 32 years old and I still haven’t really figured it out. Or where I want to go. I just know that I want to be great. I want to make a difference. I want to help people. I want to leave a legacy. Yes. I want to be remembered. I want my children to be proud of me and what I have done. I want to leave a mark on this world. I have so many goals. So many things I want to accomplish. The question now is...Where do I begin?
How about I start off with achieving some mental clarity? Yes, that sounds like a good start. Off I go to meditate...On second thought, maybe I will leave the meditation for tonight, AFTER the kids go to bed :-). Wish me luck!
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